Feb 19, 2011

Celeb Speak: Justin Bieber Is Pro-Life

I'm sure Justin Bieber prides himself on a few things. Like his hair! Great hair is a nice quality to have. It keeps the Pepto-Bismol easy to find in the medicine cabinet. He also probably prides himself on sticking with his childhood diet of plump chickens because they're what has kept his voice so youthful for so long, even though the breasts and thighs he enjoyed so mcuh were injected with pesticides or hormones or mojo! You don't believe me? Well have you seen him in any commercials that campaign against the practice of injecting chickens with whatever to make them bigger and juicier and decidedly unnatural? No, you do not. So it's safe to say he thanks the cruel factory farmers for his voice and sees no reason why they shouldn't be able to practice their anti Jonathan Safran Foer/human centipede processes in peace.

Do you know what else Justin Bieber prides himself on? ON HAVING MORALS THAT ARE AS STRONG AS HIS CEASELESSLY PROTRUDING CLAVICLES. In the new issue of Rolling Stone, Bieber thankfully took some time to inform us on his personal thoughts about abortion, America, and sex. BECAUSE WHAT ARE WE TO THINK ABOUT THESE TOPICS IF WE DON'T KNOW WHAT JUSTIN BIEBER THINKS? OOF I'M SO EXCITED TO REVEAL HIS THOUGHTS TO YOU! Let's begin:


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